Old Granny and dog

November 15th, 2009 admin No comments
There was an old lady and her dog who lived on the coast and every day she and the dog would take a stroll along the beach. One day she stumbled across a bottle. She rubbed the bottle and a genie popped out, who said “You have three wishes.”

The old granny said “I want a million dollars.” Within moments, she was sitting on a pile of cash.

Then she said, “I want my old house to become a mansion.” Immediately, her house became a palace. Then she made her last wish: “I want to become a beautiful young lady and my dog to be my handsome young husband.” “Done,” the genie said and, as the lady and her dog were transformed, the genie disappeared.

The woman took her things and went home. Then she hopped into bed and took her new, handsome husband with her. Then he said, sarcastically, “Now aren’t you glad you got me neutered?”

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The train the soldier and the poodle

November 4th, 2009 admin No comments
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it.

He said, “Please, madam, I’m very tired. May I please sit here?” The lady replied, “No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here.”

The soldier walked the length of the train again with no luck, so he went back to the same seat next to the same woman and said, “Please, Madam, I have been fighting at the front for months, my feet hurt and I’m very tired. May I please sit here?”

The woman told him, “I cannot believe how rude you are! I have already told you that my darling little Miss Fluffy is sitting here.” At that, the American lost his temper, picked up the poodle and threw it out the window.

An elderly man who was sitting across the compartment looked at the American soldier and said, “You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”

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Crazy dog

November 4th, 2009 admin No comments

crazy-dog

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Crocodile dog costume

November 1st, 2009 admin No comments

Coolest dog costume for this Halloween.

crocodile-dog-costume1

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Panda dog

October 25th, 2009 admin No comments

This dog looks more like a panda than a dog.

panda-dog

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A dog named Sex

October 15th, 2009 admin No comments
Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Roy.” I call mine “Sex.” He’s a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like one too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.” He winked and said, “You must have been quite a kid.”

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for sex.
He said, “You don’t need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don’t care what you do.” I said, “Look, you don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Funny–I have the same problem.”

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He said, “Now that cable is all over the place it’s no big deal anymore.”

When my wife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had sex before I was married.” The judge said, “The courtroom isn’t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.”  Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me, too.”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I told him that I was looking for Sex.

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Dog show in heaven

October 13th, 2009 admin No comments
It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on.
“It’s slow here too,” says Satan.

“Well,” God said, ” I think a dog show might be fun. Let’s put on a dog show.”
“Sounds good,” says Satan, “But why are you calling me? You’ve got all the dogs up there.”

“I know,” answered God, “But, you’ve got all the judges down there!”

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Lost puppy

October 13th, 2009 admin No comments

lost-puppy

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Protection from frostbite

October 11th, 2009 admin No comments

cute-dog-in-shoes

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Whose dog is it

October 8th, 2009 admin No comments
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ”Nope.”

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” The old man muttered, ”Ain’t my dog.”

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