1. In the bowl. (A good foundation, but important to supplement with other groups.)
2. Off the table. (Most varied group, but best eaten when no one is looking.)
3. On the floor. (A nutritious way to snack between meals.)
4. Grass – taken at least once a day to enable vomit activity. (Vomit activity best engaged in while resting head on caretaker’s lap.)
5. Poop. (At least once a day for overall digestive happiness. May be taken topically via rolling in it.) Best if eaten immediately after production. Be sure to lick owner in face after ingestion.
10. Wow, check out the hot poodle with Rover!
9. So, I says to him, throw in toilet bowl privileges, and you got yourself a deal.
8. Look, I gotta go chase a cab…
7. Hey you – cat! You work here?
6. Not the Macarena again! Somebody cut off the boss’ bar tab…
5. Did you see the neat copies of Bowser’s rear end?
4. Gainsburgers? Who catered this disaster?
3. Hey, good-lookin’, wanna swing by the ol’ doghouse later?
2. Who ordered the hot dog pizza with everything?
1. Dead Cats – We’re Still For ‘Em!
10. Security guards keep chasing you out of the building.
9. Breaking out of line to steal the kid’s candy bar may have counted against you…
8. The Chihuahua thinks he can beat you up (and does).
7. Your owner keeps asking about getting back your entry fee.
6. Kids keep asking “What kind of dog is THAT?”
5. The judge asks your owner to walk you to the end of the ring…and to keep going.
4. Somebody asks if they can take your picture…for a Humane Society poster.
3. When asked about your papers, your owner replies,”Papers? – We don’t need no stinking papers!”
2. The BBC announcer keeps breaking out in uncontrollable laughter whenever he sees you.
1. You had to go really bad, and the judge’s leg was the closest…
10. Honk If You Love Hot Dogs!
9. If You Can Read This, You’re Hanging Too Far Out Of The Window!
8. Caution- I Brake For Dead Stuff On The Road!
7. My Snauzer Can Beat Up Your Obedience School Honor Student.
6. Vet is a 4-Letter Word!
5. My Other Car Is The Bed Of A Pickup!
4. I’d Rather Be Digging A Hole In The Back Yard!
3. Hey Cat! New Law – Red Light Means Go Now, OKAY?
2. Caution – Driver Drools Out The Window!
1. Dead Cats – We’re For ‘Em!
10. Giant gold fire hydrant in the front yard.
9. Sends another dog out to bark at the mailman.
8. Oscar Mayer truck parked at the kitchen door on Wednesdays.
7. Madonna’s hair is a mess because her hairdresser is busy with Toby.
6. Starts his own party and runs for President.
5. Congressman from Texas suddenly pushing anti-cat bill.
4. Offers Woody Harrelson a million dollars to let Demi Moore scratch his tummy.
3. “Bigfoot” truck in the driveway with “Hey Cat – Make My Day!” bumper sticker.
2. Shortage of beef jerky at all the local grocery stores.
1. Democrats keep asking him to come to the White House for Kibbles.
