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Signs you have a dumb dog

10. Lengthy pause after “Bow” while it tries to remember “Wow”
9. Buries tail, wags bones
8. When you give him Alpo, he just eats the meat by-products
7. Despite the overwhelming evidence, still smokes two packs a day
6. Showed up at the Whoopi Goldberg roast in catface
5. Has suffered over two dozen concussions from toilet seat falling on his head
4. Thinks “Snausages” is a real word
3. Voted for Fred Grandy, Love Boat’s gopher, because he really thought he’d be a good congressman
2. Spends hours staring at kitchen cabinet, waiting for tiny horse-and-carriage to come out
1. Constantly chasing people named “Katz”

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