10. “Fire Hydrants of New York”, by Rusty the Firehouse Dalmation.
9. “Oh No, Timmy’s In The Well Again!”, by Lassie with Rudd Weatherwax.
8. “101 Ways To Skin A Cat”, by Duke “Crocodile” Dingo Dog.
7. “Why People Throw Sticks, And What To Do About It”, by FetchBoy the Golden Retriever.
6. “Stop Chasing Cats and Start Catching Them”, by Dr. Rover Tilted.
5. “How I Licked The Toilet Bowl Habit”, by Sammy Snauzer.
4. “No Bad Dogs”, by Professor Hugo Sitt.
3. “Teach Your Human To Heel”, by Rowf Rotweiller.
2. “Spit For Life”, by Pete the Wonderdog.
1. “Good Kitty, Dead Kitty”, by Spot “Psycho” Poodle.
10. Spends a lot of time at the airport with the other cult dogs, passing out free AOL diskettes.
9. Your new “Reverend Moon” screen saver.
8. Every day at 3:00, stops whatever he’s doing, bows toward Cupertino.
7. Gettin lots and lots of e-mail from somebody named “bob@cult.com.
6. When told to “go get your master”, runs to the PC and dials up the internet.
5. You find your Motown CD in the trash, and a new “Gregorian Chants” CD in your CD-Rom.
4. Trades in his Calvin’s and Nike’s for a black robe and sandals.
3. You come home from work to find him making a spaceship out of your gas grill.
2. Comes home with his head shaved.
1. When asked why he went on the floor, he replies, “It is the will of Moondoggie.”
10. Not to “mark” the artificial Christmas tree next year, people don’t like that…
9. Get that idea for TV show “Dogs Behaving Badly” off to Hollywood…
8. Think up a good “stupid people trick”, get on the Letterman Show.
7. Get Toby’s Cat Catcher Dead or Alive Cat Trap written off as a “business expense”.
6. Stop coughing up fur balls on the couch.
5. Get more (read “some”) exercise…
4. Learn to drive a stick shift.
3. Find a professional football team with some (any) moral standards to root for…
2. Put “Dead Cats – We’re For ‘Em!” bumper sticker on the Clinton limo…
1. Try to remember where we buried that “live cat time capsule” on New Year’s Eve.
10. Get out the nachos and cheese, crank up the macarena on the stereo!
9. Play “hide in the dryer” with the cat. Comes out nice & fluffy.
8. Log on the the Internet, answer e-mail from adoring fans.
7. Check the couch cushions for last nights leftovers…
6. Check out the bisexual cross-dressers and the women who love them…up next on Geraldo!
5. Work on those memoirs…Chapter 2, “The day I found out I was a dog.”
4. Call up the neighbors, pant heavily into the phone…
3. Practice looking excited when the people get home.
2. Return Bill’s phone call…help him out with the Whitewater thing…
1. Make faces at the neighbors rotweiller…moron!
Pointer X Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier X Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Great Pyrenees X Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese X Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel X English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever X Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland X Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier X Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound X Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute X Pointer = Moot Point, owned by….oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
Collie X Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound X Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
Cocker Spaniel x Rottweiller = Cockrot, the perfect puppy for that philandering ex-husband
Bull Terrier x Shitzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed
