Dogmine

10. Planet Catderran blown up by fully operational Dogstar space station.
9. Luke uses the force to open a can of Alpo.
8. Chewbacca reveals he is really a very large St. Bernard.
7. Instead of shooting lightning from his fingers, Emporer slobbers all over people.
6. Change catchy slogan from “May The Force Be With You” to “Dead Cats – We’re For ‘Em!”
5. Luke blows up the Deathstar by dropping a cat down the air duct.
4. C-3PO translates dog speech, dogs ask the Princess, “What’s up with the hairdo?”
3. Yoda – “No, there is another – Luke’s dog, Toby. The force is strong with that one.”
2. Replace lightsaber battle with Frisbee throwing contest.
1. Princess Leia saying “Help me, Toby-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”

10. “Abbott and Costello Meet Cujo”. Who’s on Lou?
9. “The Howling”. Story of a Rotweiller and a mousetrap.
8. “All Dogs Go To Heaven”. Documentary.
7. “The Maltese Milk Bone”. Action adventure, starring Humphrey Gobark.
6. “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. Tutorial for territorial terriers.
5. “Terminator III – Garbage Day”. Cyborg meets up with crazed Cocker Spaniel. Asta la Vista, Arnold.
4. “Back To The Future IV – Einstein’s Revenge”, starring Michael J. Foxhound. Einstein steals the DeLorean.
3. “The Bad News Beagles”. Snoopy gets rid of that loser, Charlie Brown, leads a team of beagles to the Little League World Series.
2. “Dial M for Mustard”. Murderous dachsund leaves a trail of condiments.
1. “Reservoir Dogs.” Don’t drink the water…

10. “Don’t Chase That Pickup, Rover Boy”, by Tex Critter.
9. “Howlin’ Over You”, by Bonnie Bloodhound.
8. “Four On The Floor”, by The Toolbox Terriers.
7. “That Ain’t My Collar”, by Woof Brooks.
6. “Out Behind The Pool Hall”, by Johnny Dumpster.
5. “Bad, Bad Leroy Hound”, by Willie Welshound.
4. “Don’t Kick The Supper Dish”, by Flea G. Shepherd.
3. “Boot Chewin’ Boogie”, by Hank The Cowdog.
2. “Dog Chow Blues”, by The Chuck Wagon Chasers.
1. “Fleas Release Me”, by Bark Collie.

10. Wet socks found behind the hamper.
9. The lawn mowing shoes.
8. Chocolate chip hot dogs (well, maybe some day..)
7. Rear ends – other dogs, people, mine, I don’t care.
6. Whatever’s in the trash bin.
5. Cereal grains and meaty byproducts.
4. Those round flat pie things in the cow pasture.
3. That stuff I find in between my toes.
2. Anything you find in the middle of the highway.
1. Burning cat fur…we’re for it!

10. I could’ve sworn I heard the can opener.
9. Why doesn’t the government do something about mange?
8. Is there something I’m not getting about Norm Crosby?
7. I wonder if Toto was gay?
6. Mmmm…..that filthy standing water sure hits the spot!
5. Hey–no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
4. I still miss Lorne Greene.
3. Would we dogs have built a vast and complex civilization of our own if we weren’t distracted by our ability to lick ourselves?
2. Please, oh, please, oh, please let that be the can opener.
1. If there’s a God, how can he allow neutering?

10. Dogs are bigger (well… Some dogs are).
9. Dogs don’t need a litter box, as long as your neighbor has a yard.
8. Dogs don’t have kittens in your closet on your new shoes.
7. Cats can’t wag their tails. (And won’t even try…)
6. Dogs respond when you call them by name. (Almost any name)
5. Dogs are too stupid to hide when they make a mess.
4. Dogs have cooler home pages on the Internet.
3. Dogs will stay up and watch Letterman with you, even if there are no stupid pet tricks.
2. Dogs are easy to buy Christmas presents for, get them anything that smells…
1. Cats have an attitude, dogs just have that “Where’s dinner?” look.

10. Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
9. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
8. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
7. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
6. You can house train a dog.
5. Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
4. Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
3. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
2. Dogs don’t care whether or not you shave your legs.
1. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

10. A dog’s parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine’s Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
…And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman:
1. A dog does not shop.

10. Doggy door on oval office
9. At press conferences, instead of “Mr. President,” reporters would shout, “Here fella!”
8. Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal
7. Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant
6. U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy
5. Public enemy #1: That neutering bastard Bob Barker
4. Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon
3. Country really run by dog’s smarter poodle wife
2. Here’s your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking x-mas jingle)
1. One word: sausage-gate